Capricorn (December 22-January 20)
What an unusual space you’re in—like you are riding on a horse made of lightning; at the same time, the capacity for absolute focus has taken hold of your mind. You have more energy available and you’re able to do something with it. Yet in this space it’s essential to send yourself positive messages. The most significant will be to affirm your intelligence and the relevance of your perceptions. You may be depending on those faculties now more than you have any time recently, and you may think that there are many other “better minds” who could do what you do better. Any such thought is merely a self-esteem trap. The thing to remember about your mind is that it works differently, intuitively, and creatively. This is true whether you think of yourself as “creative” or “intuitive.” When you feel the difference between you and others, specifically in terms of thought patterns, that is the most meaningful difference. You’re also able to perceive a larger world with more colors and nuances, and those around you who cannot perceive those things can lead you to doubt yourself. So, you could say that the question of this era in your life, and the central growth (or healing) focus (as you choose) is: What’s it going to take for you to trust your senses and the mind behind them? The answer that comes to mind is experience, yet the truth is, you already have plenty of that.

This is a very sad novel.  I can’t look anymore.  What I wanted to see by standing on tiptoe was whether Sweetheart had yet approached adequate happiness, leading her to beg for life and to get someone else to play the rest of her part.  the museum of eterna’s novel p. 121 (of the prologues)

come have a cup of coffee with me, you’re my alter ego.  you’re living out the destiny i escaped by chance. kundera, identity p. 85

he could not be deaf to the language of colors, which was part of their love.  p. 96

everybody who makes a strong impression on your nervous system reincarnates with you.  wilson

two poems.

i love you-
           don’t come so close!

near-death plus rebirth on higher level in serious occult orders – such performances are not mere rituals but real ordeals.  ‘insofar as possible within the law, the candidate is often brought to a state of terror similar to the emergency condition of the nervous system in near death crisis.  what occurs then, and is experienced as rebirth, is a quantum jump in neurological awareness.  in leary’s terminology, new circuits are formed and imprinted.’ p.139 robert anton wilson’s cosmic trigger

too scared
or just don’t care
too scared
or just don’t care
too scared
or just don’t care…
(this loops for as long as the amount of flowers you pick up for it.)

poetry accepted for publication when i was away in austin.

i took a walk to the harcourt nature preserve today to fight winter disconnect.  it was warm out but not sunny like i’d hoped.  took the snowy path and looked at the small sticks, broken branches and pine needles that lay like letters down to the preserve.  walked to the bridge and stood there listening.  the water was frozen over, footprints across it so it must have been pretty solid.  i thought about all of the little creatures sleeping underneath, waiting for spring.  i watched the littlest bird singing her heart out at the top of her lungs, three notes at a time.  i watched her dancing frantically between the leafless trees and thought about how small her voice was, top of her lungs, in all that heavy quiet.  then it started to sleet, but softly, like icicle kisses on my face and hands.  i looked around at the trees, and stared for a long time at one to the right of the path up the bridge.  it looked like m’s ‘lonely tree’ on dug road, dead, with thick, peeling layers of old bark.  this one was wrapped in a tangle of long slender arms from the tree beside it, which seemed to be hugging it but in a way that the first tree could barely be seen beyond its embrace.  the first tree was shaped like an enormous tuning fork, and i wondered how it could tune in anything without the filter of all of that growth clinging around it.  at the top of each tower, was a circular hole through which the light from outside filtered in.  if the tree were a person the holes would be in its hands, stretching up toward the sky.  it stopped hailing as i looked at these.  it seems to me that there is no way for this tree to channel the light appropriately unless the tree-that-is-reaching-around-it has good intentions, since it doesn’t seem like she could ever escape its embrace.