loo-lee-ta:  the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth.  p. 9

dim eyes, bright lips  p. 20

a very narrow interval between two tiger heartbeats  p. 111

as happens with me at periods of electrical disturbance and crepitating lightnings, i had hallucinations.  p. 217

nobody attempted to get in between our humble blue car and its imperious red shadow-as if there were some spell cast on that interspace, a zone of evil mirth and magic, a zone whose very precision and stability had a glass-like virtue that was almost artistic.  (seemed to move because an invisible rope of silent silk connected it) {2 cars}  p. 219

her tennis was the highest point to which i can imagine a young creature bringing the art of make-believe, although i daresay, for her it was the very geometry of basic reality.  p. 231

there was nothing wrong or deceitful in the spirit of her game-unless one considered her cheerful indifference toward its outcome as the feint of a nymphet.  p. 232

i am thinking of aurochs and angels, the secret of durable pigments, prophetic sonnets, the refuge of art.  and this is the only immortality that you and i may share, my lolita.  p. 309

some ole nabokov lyrics i love

in VALIS, a character believes that Zebra, his name for the entity that manifests itself to him in 1974, “was in fact the laminated totality of all my selves along the linear time-axis; Zebra, or VALIS (Vast Active Living Intelligence System), was the supra-temporal expression of a given human being and not a god…not unless the supra-temporal expression of a given human being is what we actually mean by the term ‘god,’ is what we worship, without realizing it, when we worship ‘god.'” p. 213

also, i like #34 in his imaginary appendix, which states, ‘the ancient Greek thinkers understood the nature of this panpsychism, but then could not read what it was saying.  we lost the ability to read the language of the mind at some primordial time; legends of this fall have come down to us in a carefully-edited form.  by ‘edited’ i mean falsified.  we suffer the mind’s bereavement and experience it inaccurately as guilt.  p. 234

very cool, very large paintings from Randall Yarbrough, t’s friend.

Hate is a dead thing. Who of you would be a tomb? -Kahlil Gibran

i like this chapbook.  n i love the line ‘you call up flashcards in your dream metropolis.’

Pathology
From a psychological perspective, dissociation is a protective activation of altered states of consciousness in reaction to overwhelming psychological trauma. After the patient returns to baseline, access to the dissociative information is diminished. Psychiatrists have theorized that the memories are encoded in the mind but are not conscious, ie, they have been repressed.
In normal memory function, memory traces are laid down in 2 forms, explicit and implicit. Explicit memories are available for immediate and conscious recall and include recollection of facts and experiences of which one is conscious, whereas implicit memories are independent of conscious memory. Further, explicit memory is not well developed in children, raising the possibility that more memories become implicit at this age. Alterations at this level of brain function in response to trauma may mediate changes in memory encoding for those events and time periods.

reader, i need you to breathe on this breathless page.  lean in more; all existence is so sad.  sweetheart is sad today.

p. 158 the museum of eterna’s mmm i missed you macedonio

venus, the moon n hey jupiter, all in a careful lil line.  i looked up soft said hey moon. hey you. means torch.